I have no words.

I know the sexes are supposedly even these days, and us ladies have just as much rights as men do. So I can’t help but wonder, why can’t I talk about sex like men can?! I mean, I do it anyway because I don’t give a damn but writing online is a lot different then talking. If I said half of the stuff I do online to someones face they would react just like my friends did, by ignoring it.

It happens to me all the time. I’ll be with my guys while they are talking about getting head from their respected ladies and when I go to add my 2 cents, the conversation gets shut down. This really pisses me off because I have some really great things to say about blowjobs!

Think about it guys. One of your guy friends says “Dude, this girl was giving me head the other night and….” or if one of your lady friends said “Dude, I was giving this guy head the other night and….”. Big difference right? Girlfriends, you’re no better! I can understand the guys not wanting to hear about it, but you?! Who else am I going to compare notes with?

Here I was thinking that life was going to be all Sex and the City-ish and it’s not at all! Burned! I feel so neglected by my own kind.

I know females are suppose to be a ‘lady on the streets and a freak in the sheets’ but I want to be me all of the time! It took me a long time to be comfortable with me so now it’s all of your turns to catch up!

I thought you’d never ask. I strongly believe that either you love it just as much as I do, or you just think you don’t, but you do. See, this took me a very long time to figure out why we love it so, but I think I finally cracked the case. They do things differently over there, and anyone who watches enough porn knows, we all love to see something different.

1. Us in the western world can’t figure out the starlets age. They either they look under 17 or over 50. Even a 37 year old attractive Asian women can look like a school girl in a skirt. They just don’t age! Well, until they do and that transformation happens overnight. Bring on the fetishes! Who doesn’t like a little innocents? A return to your first time maybe? It make have only been two minutes but where those not the sweetest minutes of your life?

2. They squeak. Their moans sound like my dogs squeaky toys and it is just so adorable I want to poke them in the tummy like they are the Pillsbury dough boy. They are life size dolls…for fucking! Genius!

3. They always act like they don’t want what they are getting. Why do they all act like they are getting raped? I am not sure of this phenomenon but please don’t stop! We are going to need you to struggle a little for our entertainment. Add another dick in there for good measure.

Even if you’re still not convinced, I find Asian porn an excellent appetizer for my main course. Just try it.

I used to think so. I no longer do.

I believed in free love, an limitless love that can spread throughout multiple relationships and multiple passions with room to spare. My eyes have been rudely opened however, time and time again to remind me that love is a very narrow, specific thing.

My mother chose her children as the love of her life. No matter what, we always came first to her. My father chose work. Not to say that they didn’t love each other, or anything else for that matter. They have a functional relationship (whatever that means) with the understanding that when push comes to shove, there priorities are not each other.

This works for them.

Being a lover of love, sex, relationships and boys in general I have a habit of putting the men in my life first. However, the men I happen to fall for seem to put their work first. There is something undeniably sexy about a driven man. Here in lies the conflict. Can a relationship survive if you are putting someone first who chooses not to do the same?

What is a girl to do? Do you live with constantly coming in second? Do you try to find something else to love like they have? Do you give it up for someone who shares your priorities?

I keep looking for examples of people who are able to balance a career with passionate love but all I am running into are examples of how being driven/successful in life can ruin your relationships. Is it possible to have both? Beginning to doubt it. Also beginning to doubt that someone can change their priorities.

I guess the key is understanding the other persons passions and remaining constantly respectful of them. If it’s love then we are able to support one another, even if we don’t share those passions. Acknowledging how important they are for the other persons happiness can make or break your relationship.

No one likes to feel held back.

You have it hard out there my ladies that love box; I never gave you enough credit. No one takes you seriously, at least not as seriously as gay men, which just isn’t right. Straight men are demeaning to you and women like me are just trying to use you for a good time.

I never really thought about how hard it is for you to find love in this world. Yes, the idea of four tits is just about the hottest thing under the sun but it’s not just about the tits is it? After talking with friend of mine about her a lesbian sister I began to see the other side. After falling in love twice, only to be left for a man is a hard pill for a lesbian to swallow. You are not the star of our porn fantasy, you are people trying to find love.

If you are a straight girl looking to have a good time and “experiment” make sure you aren’t fucking with someones heart. They may not like dick, but they are still part of our gender, and we must stand by them.

I give you a lot of credit my lesbian friends, now go out an fall in love with a nice snatch!

*facts pending

In the early 90’s Disney struck gold creating movies based on people falling in love. Oh excuse me, not just anybody…princesses. Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Mulan, Pocahontas, Beauty and the Beast, and Aladdin all followed the same basic theme. This theme being of course: love conquers all.

You’re of a different social class? No problem, heres your forever love. You’re of a different species? Piece of cake, a little magic and you’re good to get married. Are dragons, genies, magical spells and evil witches getting in your way? Fuck it, love is on the way to save all of those little problems. To put the icing on the cake, they all end with, of course, having this love forever…guaranteed. End of movie. Storybook closed. Fade to black.

Fuck you Disney! You totally fucked an entire generation of girls into thinking that some day their prince would come. There was no warning on the box that said: CAUTION: movie does not contain actual love. You are about to watch a lie that will brain wash you and all of your relationships here after. Good luck fucker!

Now years later we are still waiting for our prince, our pumpkin that turns into a carriage to whisk us away to our castle filled with nothing but happiness.

Let us say, for the sake of argument that maybe, just maybe you are able to fall in love without the help of singing mice or a genie, how do you know it’s the one true? Simple! You sprout legs! Your flatware turns into a waitstaff! We are waiting for the clock hit midnight, magic fairy dust to come and fireworks to rain down from the sky to show us our fates in love.

Well my friends, that isn’t going to happen. Your flawless face wasn’t draw onto tracing paper by a team of artists and your life is certainly not going to unveil itself to you in 1.5 hours while Mom is making you cookies in the kitchen.

We are on our own. No fairies, no talking animals or dwarfs are going to show us our way and insure us forever happiness. The sooner you realize this the better: there is no such thing as a fairy tale.

Love is hard, don’t miss it looking for a band of forest animals to tell you it’s meant to be.

Then I my tastes narrowed to penises. I would date pretty much anything as long as there was a penis involved.

Then I fell in love. All of a sudden I had a very specific type of boy that I deemed attractive.

What changed? Did I grow up and discover who I was and therefore what I wanted in someone else? This explains the type of  personalities that I now find intriguing, leading to intense conversations that replay my brain long after. However I can’t seem to understand why I crush on the same looking type of guys. “My type” is now a very specific formula that I have right down to height, weight, facial structure, hair and style of dress.

However this isn’t an uncommon practice. I can pretty much pick out my sisters types from a room full of people without hesitation. I’m sure you’re thinking in your head right now what your type is. We all seem to do it. But why?

After much consideration, thought and discussion I have come to a hypothesis I feel confident in: we are chasing after the idea of something else. Stick with me here. Maybe you fell in love and when it didn’t work out, you continue to chase after that same type looking for that love. Maybe you fell in for a movie character that you now classify as your type. Men often chase after someone in the image their mothers. Whatever it is, you got your own idea of “attractive” lodged so deeply in your brain that you didn’t even realize it, but it’s there to stay.

This isn’t to say that once and awhile we venture out from our usual types, but we always address that thought at one point or another saying something like, ‘oh you are so not my type but it works for us!’.

I am comfortable with the fact that I chase after boys that look like my love, in fact I laugh about it all the time. Now the question remaining is…can you pin point why your type is in fact your type?

I thought Sylvia, the movie based on Sylvia Plaths’ love life, was alright. It was interesting enough and obviously since it was about a poet, it had some really great lines. This line struck a cord with me. I find that this is completely true, especially in love.

My first boyfriend was convinced I was cheating on him. I was not. He became so convinced of this that I could do nothing to convince him otherwise. Finally I became so tired of hearing about it that I went ahead and cheated on him. If I was going to be punished for something regardless of the fact I did it or not I figured I might as well do it.

I have seen this happen in different ways to a lot of people. You can convince yourself of anything if you put your mind to it.

“Oh my god your going to break up with me” is really annoying to here. No one wants to convince you otherwise. Eventually they are going to get tired of hearing it and they WILL break up with you.

Becoming obsessed with the fear of something can also be just as damaging as it actually happening. Confidence goes a long way.

Negative thinking has never gotten anyone anything good. Remember that shit! Ok I’m done sounding like a self help book.

Yasumasa Yonehara

If you don’t watch this, and love it, get the hell off this website, it’s not for you.

I also recommend hitting up their myspace and giving Girl from Oklahoma a listen.